A man I was dating once asked me, ‘why is it always war with you?’ A friend spoke to me this week about her bubbling rage. I watched my mother smash a lot of plates growing up. Another friend whispered about the urge to scream in her husband’s face. I watched a woman on social media scream at her newborn baby who wouldn’t stop crying.
Have you ever read/seen Carol Churchill’s Escaped Alone? At various points we get to listen into the inner monologues of a few seemingly balanced older women just making small talk in their garden. One of them just says ‘terrible rage terrible rage’ about 25 times over. I think about that a lot, because most days I’m ready to drag someone’s face into my knee x
Oh how cool!! I really hope you enjoy it and that it translates via text, sometimes she can be a little abstract and hearing/seeing a terrible rage meltdown for 3 pages is so powerful ha. Maybe an at home performance is in order! 😊 Enjoy!! 😊 x
This is so so true. Women's anger is righteous and real and necessary. One of the things that makes me regularly angry is that we're not allowed to be angry. It's ridiculous not to be able to express the full range of human emotion in a natural way but I feel myself taking deep breaths and walking away, accepting that I have to stay calm. I have a tattoo that says "be kind" and people often think it's a reminder to other people but it's not. It's an instruction to me to be kind to myself and part of that might actually be telling some patronising git to bugger off. Angry and kind shouldn't be so far apart, really. But, as you say, here we are. With you in solidarity and rage, you brilliant woman. 🖤
As a man I struggle to offer any words that are sufficient in response to your, as always, emotionally raw pieces. Here's to using your valuable insights and trying to influence those around me for the better.
I think all the emotions you describe, against a backdrop of some of the heartbreaking stories you report about, are completely understandable.
It's strange isn't it- women are not allowed to be sad not angry yet men are only allowed to be angry not sad. So as women we are taking men's anger and expressing their sadness 😔 Here's to moving to a place of emotional literacy for all ❤️
I am more angry than I was in my 20’s or 30’s, or even 40’s. But I think almost of that anger is born of grief.
Grief likes to disguise itself as anger. As a woman, life is soaked in grief. Not just from loss of loved ones, but grief from lost opportunities, grief from being treated as a second class citizen - because you are a woman, grief from sexual assault, grief at suffering shoddy medical care, grief at lost pregnancies, grief from terminations, grief from struggling childcare and work and marriage and family, grief from unattainable beauty standards, grief from loss of vitality that menopause brings. Then the grief in your mid 50s as friends and family lose their fights against illness… and the responsibility, the NEED, to carry that grief and loss, to honour their memory. And people wonder why we scream at the sky? If we didn’t the weight of all we carry, would crush us 💔
Go for it. In the meantime you might want to recognize that men who have to deal with Sybil aren't likely to be around when you want them to be. I'm sure you can function without men in your life. Let yourself seethe, then recognize that men are just as angry and frustrated as you are.
I feel we spend our teens & twenties accepting what is offered to placate our rage; now I’m in my thirties I can’t/won’t back down.
It might be viewed as stubborn or digging my feet in but I want the best for myself and I’m lucky I’m in a position I can fight for it.
‘I want the best for myself’. What a beautiful way to put it all.
Have you ever read/seen Carol Churchill’s Escaped Alone? At various points we get to listen into the inner monologues of a few seemingly balanced older women just making small talk in their garden. One of them just says ‘terrible rage terrible rage’ about 25 times over. I think about that a lot, because most days I’m ready to drag someone’s face into my knee x
😂😂 No but I’m immediately going to read it and your last sentence is MY LIFE! With rage xxx
Hahah! So violent, but sadly so true. It’s a great read but an even better watch if it’s ever been recorded/is on again!
Sincerely with terrible rage xx
I just brought it so I can read it! Sounds like a fascinating play.
Oh how cool!! I really hope you enjoy it and that it translates via text, sometimes she can be a little abstract and hearing/seeing a terrible rage meltdown for 3 pages is so powerful ha. Maybe an at home performance is in order! 😊 Enjoy!! 😊 x
This is so so true. Women's anger is righteous and real and necessary. One of the things that makes me regularly angry is that we're not allowed to be angry. It's ridiculous not to be able to express the full range of human emotion in a natural way but I feel myself taking deep breaths and walking away, accepting that I have to stay calm. I have a tattoo that says "be kind" and people often think it's a reminder to other people but it's not. It's an instruction to me to be kind to myself and part of that might actually be telling some patronising git to bugger off. Angry and kind shouldn't be so far apart, really. But, as you say, here we are. With you in solidarity and rage, you brilliant woman. 🖤
As a man I struggle to offer any words that are sufficient in response to your, as always, emotionally raw pieces. Here's to using your valuable insights and trying to influence those around me for the better.
I think all the emotions you describe, against a backdrop of some of the heartbreaking stories you report about, are completely understandable.
X
☺️
Furies and Harpies and Sirens, all! I salute you. We are not pissed off for nothing.
It's strange isn't it- women are not allowed to be sad not angry yet men are only allowed to be angry not sad. So as women we are taking men's anger and expressing their sadness 😔 Here's to moving to a place of emotional literacy for all ❤️
I reached 50 and something in me snapped. I cannot contain it, swallow it, repress it or sanitize it. Rage. She’s here to stay!
Congratulations. I’m so glad she’s found a home in you. ☺️
The rage builds as we age.
I am more angry than I was in my 20’s or 30’s, or even 40’s. But I think almost of that anger is born of grief.
Grief likes to disguise itself as anger. As a woman, life is soaked in grief. Not just from loss of loved ones, but grief from lost opportunities, grief from being treated as a second class citizen - because you are a woman, grief from sexual assault, grief at suffering shoddy medical care, grief at lost pregnancies, grief from terminations, grief from struggling childcare and work and marriage and family, grief from unattainable beauty standards, grief from loss of vitality that menopause brings. Then the grief in your mid 50s as friends and family lose their fights against illness… and the responsibility, the NEED, to carry that grief and loss, to honour their memory. And people wonder why we scream at the sky? If we didn’t the weight of all we carry, would crush us 💔
I really do feel that. It does seem to be growing as opposed to dissipating.
Beautifully put and much needed.
Go for it. In the meantime you might want to recognize that men who have to deal with Sybil aren't likely to be around when you want them to be. I'm sure you can function without men in your life. Let yourself seethe, then recognize that men are just as angry and frustrated as you are.