It’s hard enough getting recognition for your contribution to a household if you’re an all singing and dancing woman who has it all from the career, the kid and the latest steam mop. I hold a PhD but do you think I get called doctor in the family circles or do you think (coming from an Asian background) I’m urged to feel awe and admiration for my medic husband? Spoiler alert - it’s the latter. I can’t imagine being a trad wife and feeling even more pressured to feel indebted to a man/partner to provide all of life’s necessities and luxuries for me. To be overlooked in social circles and fight for my trad wifedom to be honoured and respected. That sounds hard. As much as it pains me to fight to be seen, I would rather that fight than give over the things I’ve worked hard for an alternative life that robs me of it all, including my voice. Great piece of writing Salma, it was worth the wait 🙏🏽
This is so great and thoughtful. I just hope there is a middle ground, as I like the idea of playing part of a team with a partner. I don't think 'having it all' is healthy for anyone, regardless of gender x
My dad told me not to marry a rich man. He said, “when you marry for money they make you earn every penny”.
Motherhood is so hard and I am so tired. I go to work for a break and to recharge, and I work with teenagers! I could not be a stay at home mum, it would be bad for my mental health and my children’s chances of surviving until adulthood. I only have two and a supportive other half who just earns less than me.
I would love to be the crazy rich one in our relationship so that my husband wouldn’t have to work and he could look after the kids full time! He did it for a year and a half when our first was 8 months old and I went back to work. He loved being at home but hated not having enough money.
I loved this. I long to be the SAHM who picks up her baking skillzzzz again and whatnot. The truth is my husband logs off at 5 and I crack on with work until sometimes bedtimes while squeezing every drop out of school hours. Though I have to earn in our house and certainly did not marry the rich guy. Far from it, hunz. I have had to hustle harder than fucking ever since having children to keep us afloat running my own business which also means I have the flexibility to be at every drop off and pick up. I also manage to make pancakes on a Friday morning and sometimes crack out the toilet rolls and googly eyes.
I just want to have a break when dream the trad life.
This!! So many of your weekly emails are so good but this one really resonated. In addition to patriarchy really feels like capitalism is in the mix here. Like what is this 40+ hour work week grind? We weren't made for that. We were made to pursue our dreams and have leisure and enjoy life. But the grind of bills and the socialization to have more (more money, more things) pushes us to work. Add layers of inequity on top of that and woof. But yeah, I don't want to be a Trad wife, but also...do I?
My mum often says she hopes my sister and I marry rich men, instead of being proud of her financially independent daughters who won’t settle. I get that she thinks we’d have easier lives, but surely you’d have zero control?
It’s hard enough getting recognition for your contribution to a household if you’re an all singing and dancing woman who has it all from the career, the kid and the latest steam mop. I hold a PhD but do you think I get called doctor in the family circles or do you think (coming from an Asian background) I’m urged to feel awe and admiration for my medic husband? Spoiler alert - it’s the latter. I can’t imagine being a trad wife and feeling even more pressured to feel indebted to a man/partner to provide all of life’s necessities and luxuries for me. To be overlooked in social circles and fight for my trad wifedom to be honoured and respected. That sounds hard. As much as it pains me to fight to be seen, I would rather that fight than give over the things I’ve worked hard for an alternative life that robs me of it all, including my voice. Great piece of writing Salma, it was worth the wait 🙏🏽
I love your insight and of course, you’re absolutely right, Dr Archana. 😘
This is so great and thoughtful. I just hope there is a middle ground, as I like the idea of playing part of a team with a partner. I don't think 'having it all' is healthy for anyone, regardless of gender x
Absolutely, but I just wonder if they can be part of a team. If they know how to be a team player. 🤷🏽♀️
We're definitely better at that aren't we x
They might not be around everywhere—but we have to find them. Lucky if you do.
Yesss. My thoughts exactly bc these extremes are not working. 🫶🏼
My dad told me not to marry a rich man. He said, “when you marry for money they make you earn every penny”.
Motherhood is so hard and I am so tired. I go to work for a break and to recharge, and I work with teenagers! I could not be a stay at home mum, it would be bad for my mental health and my children’s chances of surviving until adulthood. I only have two and a supportive other half who just earns less than me.
I would love to be the crazy rich one in our relationship so that my husband wouldn’t have to work and he could look after the kids full time! He did it for a year and a half when our first was 8 months old and I went back to work. He loved being at home but hated not having enough money.
Ha! Your dad is so right. Plus, you’re never off the clock.
I loved this. I long to be the SAHM who picks up her baking skillzzzz again and whatnot. The truth is my husband logs off at 5 and I crack on with work until sometimes bedtimes while squeezing every drop out of school hours. Though I have to earn in our house and certainly did not marry the rich guy. Far from it, hunz. I have had to hustle harder than fucking ever since having children to keep us afloat running my own business which also means I have the flexibility to be at every drop off and pick up. I also manage to make pancakes on a Friday morning and sometimes crack out the toilet rolls and googly eyes.
I just want to have a break when dream the trad life.
X
I just keep thinking of Elle Woods.
She came from money, I think that’s where I went wrong.
It’s the generational wealth I misstepped on.
And unlike Elle, she had that safety net to fall back on.
Without family money, the options are limited, either make it myself or marry it.
Gurrrl ABSOLUTELY!! I’m livid I don’t come from generational wealth.
Girlll. I am livid FOR you. You deserve that generational wealth ✊🏼
Such an incredible read, as always. As I grow, I understand more and more that I'm my own dashing suitor!
You absolutely are my love. And what a suitor you are. 😘
This!! So many of your weekly emails are so good but this one really resonated. In addition to patriarchy really feels like capitalism is in the mix here. Like what is this 40+ hour work week grind? We weren't made for that. We were made to pursue our dreams and have leisure and enjoy life. But the grind of bills and the socialization to have more (more money, more things) pushes us to work. Add layers of inequity on top of that and woof. But yeah, I don't want to be a Trad wife, but also...do I?
You’re absolutely right. If all the options are exhausting, what then….
Fabulous, as always
My mum often says she hopes my sister and I marry rich men, instead of being proud of her financially independent daughters who won’t settle. I get that she thinks we’d have easier lives, but surely you’d have zero control?
You’d have absolutely none. And what happens when you get older and the rich man divorces you for a 20 year old, as we’ve seen so many times.
Oh I love this