None of us are perfect online. We all have our glitches. Our problematic behaviours. It might be spending too long scrolling or doom scrolling just before bed. Perhaps you leave passive-aggressive comments or purposely like pictures just to let the other person know that you have seen what they’re up to. You might be watching the Kardashians and longing for a bigger bum and a Hermes handbag, even though you logically know neither the bag nor the bum will make you truly happy.
Whatever it is, I’m not judging. As I’m sure you know, I spend a lot of time watching pandas online, which isn’t problematic, but it is a colossal waste of my time. My real problematic online trait is that I read a lot of death-related posts. Strangers on the internet pouring their hearts out, desperately trying to hold on to the son/wife/best friend/fiancé, they’ve just lost to suicide/cancer/tumours/car crashes. I don’t know these people. I don’t feel grief for them. They are not my loved ones. But I am fuelled by a sordid curiosity about what it must be like to be in that much emotional pain, and when it will come for me. It’s morbid and like I said, it’s problematic, but we all have them.
However, there is a fairly unanimous trait that I’m noticing pop up a lot, and I’m here to tell you that you must stop it.
The terrible habit of hate following.
Whether it’s on Substack, or Twitter or Instagram, we have an awful tendency to watch and follow the people we don’t like. Or the ones we are indifferent about. The ones who we can’t understand why they’re as successful as they are. Or how they got that job. Or why they have so many followers. Or subscriptions to their Substack. Or likes on their posts.
Perhaps there is a Mean Girl in all of us, a little bit of Regina George ever present, or perhaps we’ve just been socialised into bitchy behaviour, or maybe it’s idle curiosity. Whatever the reason, I cannot get on board with the waste of headspace, time, and energy.
A friend once asked me if I ever looked up my ex online, and I can happily say that particular habit has never plagued me. She looked at me like I was strange and asked how I resisted. I shrugged and told her that I didn’t care. The activities of someone who treated me like shit are of no concern to me.
However, I notice friends looking up exs. Or ex-best friends. Or old lovers. Or watching the posts of people they don’t really like. Or following people that make them feel bad about themselves.
There is so much to be done with this life, and reading the words of people you don’t like, love or want in your circle is not one of the ways you and I are spending our one wild, precious life.
You also don’t have to justify why you don’t like the person you are following. You don’t have to spend hours in therapy over it. You don’t have to understand it or make sense of it. If someone makes you feel a certain way, then quietly mute them and give no further time to it. If their Substack is sparking something in you that is unsettling and upsetting, quietly unfollow and move about your business. Sometimes it might be petty and silly, but sometimes that’s okay.
You have a finite amount of energy. There is so much for you to do. On your deathbed, you’re not going to be worrying about the feelings of the author of the Substack you unfollowed. I promise you you’re not. One day this will be silly and petulant and laughable. One day you’ll know why you were jealous or upset or vexed. One day it will all make sense and it doesn’t have to be this day.
Just stop following people that you aren’t interested, enthused and infatuated with. Time is passing, quickly, and there are better ways to utilize your brilliant, smart and sharp mind. The best is yet to come. It always is. The best is yet to come. Say it with me, the best is yet to come.
So true. I recently went over the people I follow on Instagram and did exactly this because I only wanna follow those who inspire me. The best is yet to come 💛
I agree entirely with what you describe... with one slight caveat. When we follow everyone we disagree with or whose content doesn't make us feel great, we end up in a bubble of people who think like us. I feel it's beneficial now and then to get a reminder of how other people think - including the extreme opposites to us.
Now and then I have a browse deliberately of content from people with the opposite views to me and really try to empathise with what they are saying, try to imagine I feel the same. I have to do this when I am in a strong headspace and even so can be left feeling physically sick and upset. But it massively strengthens my resolve to keep pushing forward, to stay motivated, with my own mission in the world!