This isn’t us; we’re better than this
Why life feels smaller now, and how we can throw the doors wide open
Let’s begin this conversation by stating some facts:
The pandemic broke us, in ways we’re still trying to understand
Life has changed completely. Even if it looks the same, it doesn’t feel the same
We’re tired. To our bones and in our core
Our jobs take so much from us
Nothing is more important than female friendships
I’m lonely
I know you are too, because a couple of weeks ago when I wrote about the loneliness of your 30s, the response was overwhelming. I sat back and realised that it isn’t just me. I’m not the only one who feels bereft by the absence of people I love. I’m not the only one who feels like I’m standing in a cavernous, empty hall, looking for people to socialise with.
Over the last two years, I have lost some friends from my life. There has been an intentional fracture, a splitting apart. A conscious decision from us both not to continue the relationship. However, of the friends that remain, the women still in my life, the ones I am still madly in love with, to one extent or another, I have lost them too.
Either to babies and the demands of motherhood, relocation during the pandemic, or any of the above reasons I listed. Everything feels different. Our jobs are big and important and we can’t mail them in anymore. Long gone are the days of dragging yourself through the working day, skulking around offices and not saying much in the team meetings. We now lead those meetings. Employ people. Manage workers. We are supposed to be setting an example and you can’t do that when you stay out until midnight with your friends and are operating on five hours of sleep.
So, the plans become infrequent. The socialising slips. You’ve spent all day staring at a screen so the idea of diving into the group chat is incomprehensible. The notifications slow. The group chat gets quieter. We’re all just so tired. Which is why I find myself in a cavernous, empty hall, peering through the darkness for the people who used to light me up.