It’s Sunday morning and I am convinced that this next week is going to be the one when I get my life together. It’s going to be the week I make some serious changes, take steps towards my dreams, rise above the endless everyday tasks, focus only on the life-altering jobs and dedicate myself entirely to my goals and ambitions. The week stretches ahead of me, blank and welcoming and full of time. Nothing can stop me.
However, I say this every Sunday.
‘This week will be the one.’
A couple of weeks ago I even downloaded a new to-do list app because surely a different method of organising all the things I have to do will allow me to get through all the things I have to do. Alas, some tasks have been on that app since the day I downloaded it, unticked, unchecked and lingering on the list.
But I have to get through the list because I have to make those changes because, and this is the unfiltered, absolute, painful truth, I don’t love my life.
Which is not to say it’s bad, but it is to say that I don’t like the way I’m living or the work I’m doing, and I am aching for life to change. I appreciate that from the outside, it’s a very good life. For some, it’s a dream life. It’s all they want. But it is slowly taking the soul out of me, and I have always reached for more.
It’s also worth pointing out that your life doesn’t have to be terrible for you to change it. Your relationship doesn’t have to be awful or abusive to leave it. Women are taught to hold on to a good thing like their life depends on it. Women are not taught to leave. Above all, they’re taught to be grateful, so if you have something that is good and nice and decent, and if you have a life that some other people might want, then you are very lucky and you must be eternally grateful and do absolutely nothing that may rock that boat.